As a parent you want to provide your children with opportunities you never had as child whether its better education, medical care, opportunities to play any number of sports, or travel experiences. A trip to Disney World is the iconic and once in a lifetime family vacation. What parent wouldn't want to take their kids on trip there? A trip of this magnitude takes on even more significance for a single parent and their children.
Of course during the planning stages I considered how my ex might react to my taking our kids on this trip. I envisioned their would be resentment, anger, and jealously. But I also felt she would see this as a great experience for the children and a once in a lifetime opportunity. As I weighed all the options I realized there was a window of opportunity that could close and if I wanted my children to have this experience I needed to take it. I waited to about two weeks before the trip before informing there mother. She seemed to understand what a great opportunity it was for the children but I should have known better.
On Christmas Day on 2014 I picked up my children from their mother's house and headed to the airport. We were flying out of an airport some distance from where we live in order to get a direct flight. So we spent the night at an airport hotel and flew out early the next morning. Daddy digest travel tip when flying with young children always get direct flight if possible. It makes trips so much more manageable. Now the trip was a complete surprise to the kids. I never told them where we were going. They never figured it out until we reach the magic kingdom. This was absolutely priceless! I certainly recommend doing this if your taking your children to Disney for the first time.
We spent the next six days there and the kids had an absolute blast. We were joined by my mother, brother, and sister. As a single parent this was helpful to help with some of the other details of the trip, but I ended up not spending that much time with my daughter as boys did boy things and girls did girl things. This little fact one would imagine could be very important down the road but I will address this later. We returned from Disney on January 1st, 2015 after a flight and almost four hour car ride that evening. We received a number of Skype calls from their mother that evening, had presents under the tree to open, and needed to get ready for bed. The timeline of events is another fact that should have been addressed, but as I stated before thats for another post.
The very next day I received a call from the children's mother wanting the kids for the weekend since her brother would be in town. I have always been flexible when it came to custodial periods and working around family visits. My ex was even accommodating stating that I would get the "weekend back" at a later date. This seemed very much unlike her but I thought regardless it would be the nice co-parenting thing to do. So I dropped the children off around 2:30 pm that afternoon. Of course their mother was unhappy that I was thirty minutes late. Normally weekends start at 2pm but I felt since I was suppose to have them anyway what was the rush? Was there any big deal to being 30 minutes late? I was doing her a favor after all.
The next couple of days went by as normal. I had nightly Skype conversations with the children. These conversations were fairly normal except for my daughter talking about going to Africa where my ex-wife's sister and her family live. I actually saw the children on January 7th at doctor's appointment. The children were their normal loving selves despite their mother trying to claim something was wrong with them. At the end of the appointment my daughter gave me a christmas gift, two ornaments that she had made in school.
On Friday, January 9th, 2015 I was scheduled to pick up the children that afternoon for a weekend but before I could do so two police officers showed up at my door. They stated they needed to speak about some child abuse allegations? I was immediately confused about what he meant and stated "What child abuse?" as I had no clue! They wouldn't really respond to my question. I pondered what child they could be referring to? So I then asked"What, my children?" As to say you have to be joking!
Wednesday, June 22, 2016
Sunday, June 12, 2016
How to consistently be a good co-parent when faced with a barrage of evil intensions
Are you going through a divorce or a never ending custody battle? Has your ex made numerous attempts to try and get sole custody? Did the other parent manipulate your children to create problems during transition periods or have they started making off the wall comments. Has all of this culminated in fabricated sexual abuse allegations where you spent a year and half fighting to get your kids back only to have your ex file for sole custody again?
Any one of this events or situations would challenge a persons ability to co-parent effectively. If you have experienced any of these no doubt you have thought about retribution against your ex or at the very least wanted say something negative about the other parent in front of the kids? Over the past four years I have been through all of what I mentioned above. During this time I never once said anything negative about my ex-wife. I never attempted to manipulate the kids or turn them against her. I know your thinking thats impossible to deal with that and not at least once seek some sort of revenge.
So how does one remain a good co-parent when facing the onslaught of parental alienation? The first and most important step is to remember who is really important and that is the children. As parents our children's welfare and development should always be first. Every decision or action I take revolves around my children. Before reacting or over-reacting to something the other parent does you have to consider the effect on the children. Children are extremely impressionable and learn how to interact with the world through observing their parents. To consistently be a good co-parent you have to put your children first regardless of how selfish the other parent maybe and always be above their evil intensions.
Secondly, you must protect your children by protecting yourself. When parental alienation starts to rear it's evil head it will affect the entire family unit. Your instinct is to protect your children from it but the best way to protect them is actually by protecting yourself. As the only parent who has the well-being of the children at heart its imperative you take the necessary steps. So how do you accomplish this. Well immediately start thinking three to four moves ahead. Try to anticipate what your ex may do or use against you. You should also start documenting any peculiar behavior. There are a number of ways to document evidence of parental alienation. I would audio record off the wall comments by my children and eventually started recording transitions. Of course you need to check applicable state laws before engaging in these steps.
The very best form of documentation is video. I really wish I would have employed this much sooner. It would have spared my children from what they have endured over the past year and half. I recommend the second you think parental alienation is occurring is to get a reliable camera system in your home and start recording your visits with the kids. I waited to after the abuse allegation were made and my children were taken away from me before I started recording supervised visits. Ultimately this did help me eventually prove that children had made false statements on subsequent allegations. This is not only a way to protect yourself but is undeniable proof of the type of parent you are and how much your children love you. I believe this would be invaluable evidence when the other parent files for sole custody. If unsure what type of camera system to get you should check out my review of the nest cam.
Finally, if you have taken the steps above the last thing to do is have faith and understanding. You need to have faith that the steps you have taken will ensure that truth will out. If you stay the course, take the high road, and protect yourself the other parents action will eventually come back to haunt them. A parent also needs understanding that being patient and not engaging in manipulation and parental alienation is the best course of action. You have to be in it for the long haul and know if you stoop to the level of the other parent that you will fail miserably. Despite all your urges to retaliate you just have do right by your children.
Any one of this events or situations would challenge a persons ability to co-parent effectively. If you have experienced any of these no doubt you have thought about retribution against your ex or at the very least wanted say something negative about the other parent in front of the kids? Over the past four years I have been through all of what I mentioned above. During this time I never once said anything negative about my ex-wife. I never attempted to manipulate the kids or turn them against her. I know your thinking thats impossible to deal with that and not at least once seek some sort of revenge.
So how does one remain a good co-parent when facing the onslaught of parental alienation? The first and most important step is to remember who is really important and that is the children. As parents our children's welfare and development should always be first. Every decision or action I take revolves around my children. Before reacting or over-reacting to something the other parent does you have to consider the effect on the children. Children are extremely impressionable and learn how to interact with the world through observing their parents. To consistently be a good co-parent you have to put your children first regardless of how selfish the other parent maybe and always be above their evil intensions.
Secondly, you must protect your children by protecting yourself. When parental alienation starts to rear it's evil head it will affect the entire family unit. Your instinct is to protect your children from it but the best way to protect them is actually by protecting yourself. As the only parent who has the well-being of the children at heart its imperative you take the necessary steps. So how do you accomplish this. Well immediately start thinking three to four moves ahead. Try to anticipate what your ex may do or use against you. You should also start documenting any peculiar behavior. There are a number of ways to document evidence of parental alienation. I would audio record off the wall comments by my children and eventually started recording transitions. Of course you need to check applicable state laws before engaging in these steps.
The very best form of documentation is video. I really wish I would have employed this much sooner. It would have spared my children from what they have endured over the past year and half. I recommend the second you think parental alienation is occurring is to get a reliable camera system in your home and start recording your visits with the kids. I waited to after the abuse allegation were made and my children were taken away from me before I started recording supervised visits. Ultimately this did help me eventually prove that children had made false statements on subsequent allegations. This is not only a way to protect yourself but is undeniable proof of the type of parent you are and how much your children love you. I believe this would be invaluable evidence when the other parent files for sole custody. If unsure what type of camera system to get you should check out my review of the nest cam.
Finally, if you have taken the steps above the last thing to do is have faith and understanding. You need to have faith that the steps you have taken will ensure that truth will out. If you stay the course, take the high road, and protect yourself the other parents action will eventually come back to haunt them. A parent also needs understanding that being patient and not engaging in manipulation and parental alienation is the best course of action. You have to be in it for the long haul and know if you stoop to the level of the other parent that you will fail miserably. Despite all your urges to retaliate you just have do right by your children.
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