How to effectively discipline children in the politically correct climate of the 21st century

As a single father like any parent I have always strived to provide a structured and disciplined environment so my children would learn to make proper choices. I have always had a process or steps that I would use in implementing certain types and levels of discipline. My first step was always to speak with my children and implement choice theory. Choice theory is basically presenting a child with two choices each having either positive or negative outcomes. This would give the opportunity to analyze the choices with the children so they can see the appropriate choice. It would be great if this worked all the time but unfortunately children like to test boundaries.

If Choice theory wasn't effective then things usually escalated to time out or corporal punishment with a spank. Even though spanking was a band aid or very short term solution to the problem it could be effective in certain situations, but over time can become very ineffective. When I was married both my wife and I implemented spanking as a form of discipline. After our separation and subsequent divorce my ex-wife began to complain about the spanking which took somewhat ineffective discipline tool and made it completely ineffective. She went as far to get Department of Social Services involved by making false allegations of abuse.

First of all, let me be clear I have never abused my children anyway and never would. I used corporal punishment sparingly at best and never excessively. So I went from being largely affective as a parent to having one of the tools I used in disciplining the children completely taken away. So how does a parent effectively discipline their children in political correct climate where corporal punishment is taboo and DSS thinks they are the savor of all children?

Before i address what implemented as parent we need to address the topic of corporal punishment. I can tell you from personal experience I did find it largely ineffective and unnecessary. Sure I was spanked as a kid and it was effective with me but also was rarely done. I also noticed over time with one of my children that was not effective at all. I also agree with much of the research that suggest corporal punishment isn't beneficial to the children. Ultimately, corporal punishment is short term solution, very hard to implement effectively, and doesn't create real behavior change.

So what is a father to do when his hands have been tied by DSS and his ex-wife? Well as difficult as it may seem it really wasn't all that hard to adapt and overcome the situation. I had always had a solid process in place and I needed to trust that process. The only thing that was different was that I couldn't spank the kids. So beyond talking and using choice theory time outs became the norm. As I implemented timeouts more and more I could see their effectiveness but felt I needed a good tool to implement the timeouts that would make them even more effective.

If I needed a tool for implementing timeouts did other parents need a tool as well? So I thought maybe there is an app for that? In my research I found in large part most apps fell short with the functionality and design I was looking for. So I decided to make my own time out app. After many months of development and usage with my own children I came up with the Stoppage app to put a stoppage to bad behavior. Some of the features I find very helpful as a parent are the warning signal, the count down clock with milliseconds, and the ability to add time if needed. I use the warning signal to let my children know it's time for a time out and they need to go to their specific timeout spot. Whether you use the app or not it's crucial to have a specific spot. The count down clock is large and counts down in milliseconds given the appearance that time is going faster when it really isn't.  Finally, the time buttons allow the user change the time instantly so if you have a child who talking or not sitting appropriately then just add more time.

Stoppage on iPhone 4s

Stoppage for iPad

I also developed a free version called Stoppage Lite which you can download here in the AppStore. I use the app almost every time I give a time out. I find it has provided me and my children with a process and structured way to calmly administer discipline which provides an opportunity to discuss choices. I would remind any parent reading this that it is a tool for parent and not replacement for good parenting. It's up to every parent to decide how best to use the tools at their disposal. For example, I make sure i discuss with my children their choices after the time out is completed. That's nothing the app does. The app allows me to visually construct the time before the discussion.Regardless of how one uses the app I can guarantee that it will make you a much more consistent parent.